Please Don't Feed the Grad Students

There is a little gem my institution of higher education seemed to leave off their recruitment brochures: grad school makes you eat like an animal.*

Here are a few of the recent food/beverage pairings I have made or witnessed in the last few weeks:
1.  Coffee and buttered popcorn.
2.  Surly Cynic and chocolate chip cookies
3.  Coffee and lime chips
4.  Hershey's mini chocolates and lime chips
5.  Chocolate milk and cucumbers
6.  Sushi and a Shirley Temple
7.  Milk and turkey slices (I was out of bread, give me a break)
8.  Dry cereal and coffee
9.  Pomegranate/mango juice and Everlasting Gobstoppers

When's graduation?


*There's an awful lot of stuff not on that brochure, actually.  Grad school makes you fat, grad school makes you think everyone should know Rose's Theorem, grad school makes you think that a complete work day can be only 3 hours long, grad school makes you obsessive and easily bothered, and grad school has all the favorite side effects of most advertised medications (tremors, eye twitching, uncontrollable itching, upset stomach, headaches, inability to pay attention in meetings over 15 minutes, limited sleep patterns, red-eye, dry mouth).