Put That in Your Instant Queue and Shove It

I have been responding to a tornado that hit North Minneapolis for 4 days now.*  The stories are heartbreaking, the work is grueling, and I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  Tonight I got home to watch a movie to unwind a little and Netflix suggested I watch Twister.

Twister? Twister?!

Fuck you, Netflix.  I want to cancel.

*I am not terribly comfortable expanding on the tornado given the heartbreaking stories and the fact that once something hits the internet, it never dies. 

A Literal Boatload of Lawyers

I am sure you have been checking back on my blog every day for the last nearly-month and imagined all the wondrous and amazing things that were keeping me away from the keyboard.  Did you think mountain climbing? Drinking sangria in the south of Spain? Breaking the world record in Olympic hurdles?

Well, you were close. But even more fabulous than all those things, I have been attending fresh-lawyer parties*!

Ingredients for a Fresh-Lawyer Party

8-60 Fresh Lawyers**

1-5 Unsuspecting Victims Girlfriends

54 High Fives

5 Discussions about Bar Prep Courses

22 Toasts boasting "Dude! We're done!"

Alcohol in quantities unmeasurable

Optional Ingredients

Paddleboat

A Sidewalk chalk drawing of Martin Van Buren

A deck of cards with, um... 'clothing optional' ladies

A half-naked Wisconsinite fresh-lawyer arguing the constitutionality of the Amish
Mashed potatoes served in a martini glass***

Throw all that in your martini shaker, add a dash of admiralty law, and top of your Martini Glass Mash with some broccoli and you are ready to... party! talk about the law.  Well, maybe it is more accurately a mix of both and it is surprisingly fun in a way only fresh-lawyer parties can be.  In fact, in legal speak, I could not be unaware of the amount of fun I had at all these parties that kept me from you.

Also, there is a lesser-known benefit of being a semi-regular attendee of fresh-lawyer parties: you yourself can win your very own fresh-lawyer!

*A "fresh-lawyer" is an individual who has just completed three grueling years of law school and has had (or is about to have) the degree of Juris Doctor conferred upon them.  They are easy to spot in the wild, as they often refer to themselves as "Dr. Talking About Myself in the Third Person." 

** A ripe fresh-lawyer is pale in color (from weeks in the library) and slightly soft when squeezed (grad school is rough on anyone's diet).  
*** I am serious.  And these were professional caterers that served a mashed potato bar in martini glasses.  And perhaps rightfully so.  What else says "legal professional" like a plastic martini glass overflowing with mashed potatoes and broccoli cheese topping? Nothing, that's what.