Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On a Scale of 1 to 10: Wednesday

The scale is 1-10, 1 representing things I didn't like, 5 representing things I am neutral to, and 10 things I do like.  The variable being measured is today's events, listed in chronological order (up until 3:10 pm)

3.6: Alarm going off at 7:30.

9.4: Roommate saying "I got bored waiting for my laundry to dry yesterday so I folded yours and brought it up."

8.2: Coffee and the Today Show.

4.6: Editing a paper.

6.7: Picking out an outfit.

1.0: Getting stung by a wasp that had decided to spend its peaceful morning hanging out in the shirt that I had just put on.  There is really no ripping your own shirt off fast enough when there is a wasp in there.  Needless to say, I have been stung several times in the gut, back, and boobs.  Worst start to day ever.  

5.0: Attempt getting dressed again.  

9.4: See wasp.  Kill wasp.  Curse his trip to waspy hell as I dump his flattened self in the garbage.  

5.0: Bus. 

7.1: Class presentations.  

9.1: My presentation.

10.0: Job offer sitting in voicemail inbox after class.

5.0: Bus. 

10.0: Accepting job.

10.0: Celebrating job news with family and friends.

10.0: Making lunch plans with my most favorite ladies (Mom and Kim) for tomorrow! 

Clearly, I will not be able to maintain a 10.0 for the rest of the night.  Eventually, I do have to do homework.  But, a 10.0 is a 10.0 and I will take it!  


Sunday, April 25, 2010

i ♥ faces | photo contest



The theme at iheartfaces.com this week is "Smiles" and I couldn't resist entering this photo from my time in Guatemala.  These are some of my most favorite smiles :)


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Self, Limited Edition, Version 2347

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." -- e.e. cummings

There's an interesting phenomenon in art, where everyone thinks the artist doesn't want to be seen.  When in truth, each one of us, artist or not, has been told not to be boastful, not to brag, and not to be proud of who we are or where we are.  So an artist, who is no one more than someone who had such an irrational desire to express themselves that they became good at an outlet that allowed them to do that without ridicule, would really probably rather share just themselves with you but are afraid of being labeled selfish or boastful.

Somewhere between being dumped a hundred times and going through a Masters program without any idea what I was doing, I lost that fear.  So, today's art installment is me.  On a Tuesday morning.



COMING UP: A Month of Celebrating the Little, Bizarre, and Obscure Things. Put On Your Party Pants!

Every day of the year is a holiday in the US, some are just more celebrated than others.  Christmas? 4th of July? Very popular, well-celebrated, lots of associated store closings.  Well, this morning I saw that it was National Hanging Out Day, which had me totally excited to call everyone I knew and hang out.  What a relaxed, chill holiday.  Today is the day we just hang out.

Not true.  Today is the day you are supposed to share your bloomers with the neighbors and hang your laundry out and I supposed National Bugs in Your Britches Day didn't have quite the same crowd-pleasing ring.  Go figure.  So while being epically disappointed that I was not going to have the chance to just hang out due to national holiday standards, I looked for some more holidays that I could celebrate in the next few weeks.  Here's what I came up with:

April 22, Earth Day: A lot of people celebrate this, so I am feeling sort of less special but this is also Chemists Celebrate Earth Day.  Because apparently they didn't know they were included in plain ol' Earth Day...?

April 23, Book Day: That's a good one.  Friday, we read! Even if it is a textbook.

April 24, National Bulldogs are Beautiful Day: Aren't they, though?  There is nothing more charming than a smooshed, wrinkly face, sinus problems, and drool.

April 25, Malaria Awareness Day: Like Earth Day, this one matters.  This is a good one.  It is important to remember that it was not that long ago in our history that malaria was a threat in the United States and it could come back if we don't keep acting to reduce it in the global population.  [Huh, that's where that soap box went.]

April 26, Hug an Australian Day:  Well if I'm not planning on being the most enthusiastic celebrator of this holiday, I don't know who is.

April 26, Richter Scale Day: Little known fact-- the Richter scale isn't really used by earthquake experts anymore, but it is still used because the media and the public understand it better.

April 29, The Anniversary of the Zipper: Well hallelujah for that blessed invention.

May 1, National Homebrew Day:  Now, I certainly don't know how to homebrew, but I would certainly be willing to help a talented homebrewer celebrate if they needed me.

May 2, National Truffles Day:  Another double-meaning holiday that actually means the less awesome choice.  National Truffles Day has nothing to do with gourmet chocolate poofs of goodness... it means the things pigs root up.  On May 2, be sure to wish everyone you know a Happy Edible Fungus Day!

May 3, National Day of Prayer:  I have renamed this day in the spirit of all-inclusiveness to "National Day of Prayer (Or Not, You Don't Have To)." Thanks democracy and freedom of choice.  You rock.

May 7, National Roasted Leg of Lamb Day: Oh. My. God.  Why did I NEVER KNOW ABOUT THIS BLESSED HOLIDAY OF DELICIOUS GOODNESS?!  This could only be matched with a National Taco Day (Week?).

May 8, No Socks Day: This is everyday.  Socks are gross-- your feet want to be liberated.

May 9, National Butterscotch Brownie Day: Whoever comes up with the food-related holidays should be sainted.

May 11, Eat What You Want Day: Again, this is everyday.  It's okay to eat what you want.  It'd be great if you sometimes wanted a vegetable.

May 12, Kite Day:  Get yourself a stiff breeze and a friend to run about with a fabric square looking like an idiot.  It will be an excellent afternoon-- guaranteed.

May 17, National Cherry Cobbler Day: Renamed to: Katie's Graduation Day!

May 24, National Escargot Day:  Mmm, snails.  So gooey.  And chewy.  Had them once while I was in France.  That was enough.  Will celebrate this day only in spirit, in fondness of my travels.

May 28, National Hamburger Day:  Coincidently falls on National Whale Day.  Touche, holiday-naming body of the federal government, touche.

May 31, Speak in Complete Sentences Day: I agree.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

An Ode to You, 3M

Oh, 3M, how you have blessed my thesis-writing life with your highlighter with the red flags right in the marker itself.  I think I am in love.

It's Caturday!

One of my guilty pleasures is perusing I Can Has Cheezburger to enjoy the week's "lolcats."  I have sort of a schedule of online perusing and I kind of try to keep my Google reader fairly clean with personal blogs, news blogs, etc.  Very little goofy stuff, with the exception of a grad-school specific comic strip.  Well, Saturday is known as Caturday on Cheezburger, and so it seemed like the perfect morning to share some of the lolcat pics that got me laughing this morning.  One warning:  these will be funnier if you have owned cats and really understand their personalities.  Our family has had many cats and they have all been so wonderful and different that going through these photos, I can almost always think of one of our cats that would find themselves in the same situation and "say" the same thing.

funny pictures of cats with captions
I just really love the Beatles, and Imagine.  This is perfect.  


funny pictures of cats with captions
This reminds me of Cricket (the cat) and Sonny (the dog).  Cricket and Sonny are working at peacefully cohabitating at my parents' place, and Sonny tries very hard to be a good dog.  But Cricket absolutely relishes in the times he gets in trouble.  She is a terrible tease.


funny pictures of cats with captions
I know that feeling...


funny pictures of cats with captions
Lots of puns and plays on words at Cheezburger.  This is a good one. 


funny pictures of cats with captions
These are representatives from [fill in your favorite government office/bureau here].


All right.  Back to work.  Have a good weekend!  Hope you are all doing something OTHER than writing your thesis! :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Look Out, Dr. Phil

For the most part, people at the Y are there to workout, take exercise classes, hit on people, etc.  By and large, we ignore one another, especially since most of us are wearing headphones.  We come in, we sweat, we go home.  So imagine my surprise tonight, when even with my headphones on, the woman on the treadmill next to me started up a conversation.

I soon discovered that my unplanned treadmill partner was Shelly, a 38 year old divorcĂ©e who works out of her home as a medical transcriber.  This, I know from previous knowledge, is not all-together a bad gig.  I kind of thought our conversation would stay at the superficial level like this and we would learn the basics about one another: what we do, where were from, yada yada.  We would pass a few minutes chit-chatting, enough for me to jog through my warm-up, and then conversation would fade.  She would up the incline level and continue walking on Treadmill 8 and I would attempt to make some serious contact with the new tread by kicking up the speed on Treadmill 7.  And sure enough, a lull in conversation followed the first time I notched up that speed.

But as soon as was getting right on pace and starting to get a good sweat going, Shelly says to me "I weigh 297 pounds."

"Oh?" I replied.  What do you say when a near-complete stranger says something like that to you.  She doesn't respond right away and I am feeling about as awkward as a junior high girl at a school dance.

"It's the first time I have been below 300 pounds in 14 years."

"Wow! Congratulations!"  Yeah, I still don't really know what to say to this.  I mean, I'm not Bob or Jillian from the Biggest Loser, and if you looked at the love handles winter has firmly affixed to my sides, you could probably guess that not a whole lot of people talk to me about weight loss.

"My husband left me when I hit 350 pounds.  He also weighed over 300 pounds, but told me he was really only attracted to thin girls.  He thought I just looked gross."  I notched up the speed again, hoping to signify that at this point I would almost rather crawl outside my own skin and leave it there on the treadmill than be having this conversation.  At this point, it is only like minute 11 and I was really planning on putting in at least 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I am beginning to rethink that plan and maybe bail at 15.

But minute 15 comes and goes and I haven't heard another peep from Shelly.  She keeps upping her incline, I my speed.  Until 15:54 when I hear, "I wish I could move like you." Usually a statement like this would kind of creep me out.  It's just kinda strange language, I am hyper-sensitive about the things people say to me at the gym... all kinds of things.  But for some reason, Shelly seemed so genuine and so real in this moment.  It wasn't said to be awkward or make me uncomfortable, and when I asked what she meant she explained, "The way you run.  You don't even have to think about it."  Ha! If only she knew I am thinking about it nearly every minute.  I am obsessing whether I should be going faster or slower, I am paying acute attention to my breathing, to the tension building in my left shoulder, to the thud thud thud of the custom Nikes pounding the treadmill.

I think for a minute, finish out a sprint set.  "Well, Shelly... you can move like this."

"Ha! I saw your speed.  You were just running 8.5 miles an hour!  I will never move like that."

"Well, it's not like I started running at 8.5 miles an hour.  And I didn't maintain that speed forever."  In fact, at this moment in the interval run, I am literally thudding along at 5.6 miles per hour.  "Shelly, you can move like this," I repeat.  Two or three minutes go buy, and I notice Shelly's incline has gone down and she is walking a flat surface.  It's about minute 22 and Shelly has traveled just over a mile. I have traveled just over two.

At minute 25 I up my speed to 6.5 miles per hour for the last 5 minutes of my workout.  These minutes are magic to me, maybe even sacred.  For some reason, the last 5 minutes really matter and I wish I could do a 30 minute run of last 5 minutes.  I glance towards Treadmill 8 as I am looking around the room in my glory minutes, and there's someone jogging.  I double-take, and it's Shelly, jogging.  Jogging. She is down right cruising at 4.8 miles an hour (if you have spent much time running, you will know that for most people this is in that weird speed zone where you don't know if you are walking or running and, I at least, have a hard time creating rhythm in this zone).  And she didn't make it for the whole five minutes, but she did go about a quarter mile.

And then she just beamed, ear to ear, as I finished my run, and we both took a 5 minute cool-down walk.  In total silence.

The last 5 minutes of any of my runs have never, ever been that sacred.  I don't think they ever will be.





---
[I don't know if it's true, but I feel like an abnormally high number of strangers end up opening up to me.  It's nice because I never really get bored in public, but sometimes it can be weird and kind of time consuming because I am too nice to not listen to a nice stranger.  I used to think whatever it was that drew people towards me was some cruel curse that the world was using to kill me with kindness.  


I am over that feeling tonight.  This isn't a curse. In fact, it can be pretty darn cool.]

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

When a Febreze Commercial Sets Your Mental Health Back by Years. And Years.



Watch that little love first.  I'll wait.  I mean, it only takes 30 seconds.  Trust me, you need to watch it... the rest of this will make much less sense if you don't.

Done?

Most people who know me (which I think most of you do) know that I have a ridiculous, embarrassing, irrational fear of fish.  And like all fears, the longer I live with it the worse it seems to get.  My parents think it stemmed from the Sunnies at a local lake nibbling on my leg hairs and toes as a child.  And I haven't always been afraid-- we used to have a fish tank that I was fascinated by and my dad and I would go to the fish store and bring home new fish and I would watch them swim around in their little plastic bag worlds in the car on the way home.

This is no longer true.  The way I like my fish?  Breaded, minced, or rolled in a little nest of rice and a sea weed leaf.  No eyeballs, no tails, no fins, no scales.  No swimming, no using gills to extract the oxygen particles from the water.  Dead.  Edible.  Delicious.  But most importantly, dead.  And not lookin' like a fish.

So then, Febreze came out with the commercial you just viewed.  And despite the fact that I can't eat in places with aquariums, am terrified about being in those stupid tube-viewing things in aquariums, don't particularly love swimming in lakes or rivers, and secretly judge people with fish tanks, there is nothing more frightening than the idea of a fish swimming willy-nilly through my home.  When I was younger, I used to have recurring dreams about fish escaping from the tank and chasing me through the house-- without needing water to swim and live.  So basically, the Febreze commercial is a slightly less vicious version of one of my very worst nightmares.

Aaaaaand... BONUS!  They bought a ton of air time to air this, and 2 more fish commercials, so my television viewing is constantly interrupted by paralyzing panic, hastened heartbeat, and total body heebie jeebies.

Never. Buying. Febreze.  Ever.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Please Don't Feed the Grad Students

There is a little gem my institution of higher education seemed to leave off their recruitment brochures: grad school makes you eat like an animal.*

Here are a few of the recent food/beverage pairings I have made or witnessed in the last few weeks:
1.  Coffee and buttered popcorn.
2.  Surly Cynic and chocolate chip cookies
3.  Coffee and lime chips
4.  Hershey's mini chocolates and lime chips
5.  Chocolate milk and cucumbers
6.  Sushi and a Shirley Temple
7.  Milk and turkey slices (I was out of bread, give me a break)
8.  Dry cereal and coffee
9.  Pomegranate/mango juice and Everlasting Gobstoppers

When's graduation?


*There's an awful lot of stuff not on that brochure, actually.  Grad school makes you fat, grad school makes you think everyone should know Rose's Theorem, grad school makes you think that a complete work day can be only 3 hours long, grad school makes you obsessive and easily bothered, and grad school has all the favorite side effects of most advertised medications (tremors, eye twitching, uncontrollable itching, upset stomach, headaches, inability to pay attention in meetings over 15 minutes, limited sleep patterns, red-eye, dry mouth).  

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

You're Never Too Old For an "Atta Girl!"

Sunny moments on a rainy day brought to this Mugwump by the following emails:


1. 4:09pm- 



The IRB: Human Subjects Committee determined that the referenced study is
exempt from review under federal guidelines 45 CFR Part 46.101(b) category
#4 EXISTING DATA; RECORDS REVIEW; PATHOLOGICAL SPECIMENS.

Study Number: 1003E79754

Principal Investigator: Kathryn Muehe

Title(s):
Evaluation of Public Health Emergency Training and Simulation
________________________________________________________

This e-mail confirmation is your official University of Minnesota RSPP
notification of exemption from full committee review. 

This is a snippet of the email sent to anxious grad students to tell them that their request to do a study involving human subjects has been approved.  APPROVED!!  Even though I am not using any identifying data in my research, because it does involve the responses from human participants, it much meet Institutional Review Board standards for ethical use of data, beneficence, and confidentiality.  My process was actually really easy because it is a secondary data set, meaning the data was already collected (or would be collected whether or not I was doing the research) and there is no way I can discern the identities of participants given the data I will have access to.  Still, the IRB is sort of this mythical 'NO'-machine that makes everyone a little nervous.  It is hard to know exactly what they are looking for, whether you have sufficiently done your paperwork, etc.  If you do not appropriately sacrifice to the 'NO'-machine, they can seriously clog/halt/reverse/destroy project progress. 


2. 4:28 pm (In regards to the previous email)- 



YES!!! Start your engines!

-----Original Message-----
From: irb@umn.edu [mailto:irb@umn.edu]
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 4:09 PM
To: [Advisor E-mail Redacted]
Subject: 1003E79754 - PI Muehe - IRB - Exempt Study Notification
 From my advisor who I, admittedly, was painfully intimidated by at one point in my career.  But she has turned out to be the right balance of support and pressure to get things done.  


All I can say, after getting these emails today is: VROOOOOM! VROOOOOM!